We all want healing for our bodies, emotions and minds. We want to feel like we are complete and whole, here and now, in this life. For some of us, the miracle of healing happens and we actually find that healing whether instantaneous or otherwise.
For many, that healing remains elusive. Close by, and yet distant. We know we need only reach out and touch God and He will heal us. He could right now if He chose to, and yet He does not choose to heal us. We feel overlooked and forgotten as if our sorrows were too small for so great a God.
Driven by a need to be whole we ask, pray, beg for the healing that never comes. "Heal my body of disease, heal my heart and soul from being crushed, heal my emotions and mind from being suppressed and oppressed. Heal me, Lord, please. You can. Why don't you?"
Today the thought came to me that there is a reason why the healing doesn't come and that deep meaning is to be found in the wound itself.
We beg for the wounds to close and the pain to stop but the wound never quite heals over and the pain is always there to some degree. We want it closed, totally, so we can function without a constant reminder of the past and the hurt we have endured physically, emotionally and mentally. That's where we make a crucial mistake in allowing the wound to remind us largely of the past.
Our wounds are more than reminders of past pain, they are very real reminders of this present moment. This very moment in time when we are functioning, upheld by God's grace and mercy, and able to say that in our weakness He is made strong. He is best revealed in our weakness and in our wounds.
Without my wounds I would never have known the depth of God's grace that rescued me in the many times when I have wanted to give up hope. It is because I have wounds that He comes in and is real. When I was relatively more whole than what I am now I knew of His grace but I didn't have the more intimate knowledge of it that I have now. He entered into my wounds and instead of healing them off miraculously He chose to remain in them as a constant reminder of His grace and mercy. He, who upholds the universe, upholds me too. It is an awe inspiring realisation to know this daily. My wounds allow me this privilege in such a real way. I don't think anything else can.
I should cherish my wounds and stop begging for God to heal them up and spare me the suffering that comes with them. These wounds keep me awake and alive to the movings of God in my life. I was oblivious to so much, asleep in my wanderings through life until pain hit me on every possible level and sent me reeling back to Him. He picked me up and saved me and began the healing of wounds that I have come to realise will never truly be healed. I must learn to live with these.
Finding a closer walk with God, a warmer embrace of His love, a revelling in the silence of His constant company, a deeper understanding of myself and others, and a revelation of His being and presence in so much around me... these have been wonderful fruits of seeking Him more closely.
And yet the wounds remain unhealed, thankfully not festering but simply open. I must accept that they will never heal. It is the only way to peace. Stop begging God to heal them, realise instead that He touches me most deeply at my wounds and accept that to be my portion in life. A bittersweet acceptance that my wounds are necessary to help me experience His grace and mercy. Without them I am all self sufficient and so full of myself. With my wounds I remain humble and open to the movements of God's grace in my life and in the lives of others through me.
May my prayer be less of begging for healing and more of asking God to remain in my wounded spaces and fill them with His grace and mercy. Less of a desperate need for a quick fix and more of a realisation of the need for a long haul approach on this seemingly interminable journey through life.
God's work in our lives takes a lifetime and even then it isn't really over. When I stand before Him one day, or more likely fall before Him, I shall be healed completely of all my wounds. I look forward to that day and live in hope of it. Till then I cherish my wounds, God's gateway to my soul and the place where I meet His grace and mercy. I remain grateful.
1 week ago