Food At Last and Music too!

Today I ate. Yeah, finally. 4 weeks have passed, with the last week being the hardest. After my morning infusion at the hospital today, I had soupy fish rice porridge with a dear friend in town. Was so awesome to meet her after ages, and to sink my teeth into soft mushy stuff. Nice! :) Gave away all my veggies, and ate a bit before feeling full rather quickly. Think my stomach shrank. No worries. It'll unshrink in due course. Porridge for a few days will do the trick. So grateful to be eating again. Yippee! Thus endeth the "Chronicles of the Grateful Crohnie". Back to regular programming of morning walk reflections and silly posts, laughs and more silliness, with occasional craziness. Life is too serious otherwise! Laughter is the best medicine!

Sang later today, after a very long time, with the St Francis Xavier Choir at the World Day of Consecrated Life celebrated at Novena Church. Loved every minute of it. It's a day for the clergy and religious to consecrate themselves to God afresh, and also for the laity to consecrate themselves. Everybody is called to consecrate themselves to lives of holiness. It coincides with the Presentation of Jesus at the Temple, when Jesus' parents consecrated their first born to God. I thought it would be lovely to end my first day of food with a Mass of consecration. Give my life anew to God, and commit to living in community. So beautiful, and so blessed. God's presence was so real, and I sang my heart out, soaring on the voices of all my choir friends. Such a joy and lightness in my soul. I feel truly alive! Grateful!

Thanks for reading, 

Pav

The Need for Self Care

Living in gratitude on Day 28 of a 30 day liquid diet. Today I am grateful for self care.

We all have so many demands on us, and sometimes we are stretched in various directions. Our capacities for selfless giving differ with each individual, as does our need for self care.

I've discovered that I need down time. Quiet moments when I am reading, praying, meditating, or just resting. This recharges my soul and helps heal my mind and body. I also need times when I am immersed with people, laughing and chatting and generally being the sociable soul that I am, in small doses.

Additionally, I need to make time to do little things that help me feel special. Today my self care was to get my hair coloured, and my nails done while I drifted off in a sleepy daze. It was a restful 2 hours trapped at the salon before I hit the supermarket, pharmacy, clothes store and bank. Shopping for the kids and running errands while feeling lightheaded from a lack of sleep is a challenge but I coasted along.

I'm struggling to sleep at night and consequently barely awake in the day. It's all topsy-turvy and a little upsetting. My heart is pounding and skipping beats all day and I wake up in tears in the morning feeling unrested.

Still, I find ways to care for myself. I seek to understand how I feel and am gentle and kind to myself. It hasn't been easy for me to do this but I have learnt how to now, and to appreciate that others need to do the same too. Self care can take many forms. A morning walk, a pampering for the body, a quietening for the spirit, a soul enlivening social activity that breathes new life, a hobby or a sport that helps us grow as individuals. All of these are so important, and when we do these things we are not being selfish but helping ourselves recharge so we can continue giving.

Tomorrow I eat porridge in town with a dear friend, and in the evening I'll be singing at a special Mass for the World Day of Consecrated Life at Novena Church. It's going to be lovely singing again on my first day back to food. Such a privilege and a joy. It's an act of self care too. Feeding my spirit and being with friends, indulging  in one of my favourite activities, and worshipping God all at the same time. Awesomeness. I am excited!

No matter how tired my body might be I'm going to be there. Self care extends to "me" in totality, body, mind, heart, soul and spirit. I am grateful for the ability to know how important self care is and to be able to do those things that bring me joy. So blessed.

Thanks for reading,

Pav

I Gained A Day. Kinda :)

Living in gratitude on the 27th day of a 30 day liquid diet. Today I realised that techinically I will be eating again on Day 29 instead of 30, and I am grateful for the saving of one whole day. Yippee!

The doctors calculated 4 weeks from hospital admission which brought me to Friday, 2nd Feb, as the day I get an infusion of meds and begin eating again. Roughly 30 days, but in reality... 29 days including the first day of admission when I began the liquid diet. I can live with that!

This past week has been very hard in terms of levels of exhaustion and hunger. I am finding it hard watching my kids eat the meals I plan for them. Meat, veggies, rice, soup, pasta, fruits. I've enjoyed cooking some of these, and loved watching them eat. But man, the smells that assail my nostrils, and get my tummy going, those aromas are a killer.

I think my sense of smell has heightened and I am smelling everything in a 2 km radius. Maybe less lah :) But seriously, I think that's a good sign of a lack of inflammation in the body. It also means my senses are sharpening in deprivation, as they tend to do, just as they get satiated and saturated in times of abundance. Perhaps a fast once in awhile is useful in more ways than one. Apparently you live longer if you fast often. Not too sure how long I'd like to live on enforced fasts and the ever present possibility of surgery. Sounds exhausting :)

I am reminded, again, of how easily, albeit unsatisfactorily, my hunger can be assuaged by drinks. Imagine those who have no means of alleviating their hunger. Terrible desperation for food exists in many parts of the starving world. I remain grateful that I have those drinks, even if they are nutritionally sub-optimal. They're better than nothing.

The notion of a whole extra day saved makes me so happy, even if it's an illusion of savings. I'm grateful. Now I just need to get through Thursday. Lovely. Be still my growling tummy, the first spoons of porridge will taste so heavenly. And then slowly on to simple meals and living a normal life. One step at a time, one saved day included. Grateful.

Thanka for reading,

Pav

Resting Required

Living in gratitude on Day 26 of a 30 day liquid diet. Today I am grateful for rest.

I dropped my steroid dose from 15mgs to 10mgs today and felt exhausted by noon. It's just the way they affect the body when dosages change. For a couple of days I'll be very tired till I adjust to the new dose.

I decided that apart from a trip to the supermarket, and planning a meaty dinner for the kids, I wasn't going to do much. I wanted a day of rest.

I discovered AD Kingdom and Empire on Netflix and watched several episodes. Great stuff about the Apostles and their Christian witness after the crucifixion of Jesus. I especially enjoyed the transformation of Peter, from guilt ridden denial to the rock upon which Christ built His church. Watching them being persecuted for their faith gave me a new found respect for the early church pioneers and martyrs. Their faith was truly costly, and their lives constantly fraught with danger and yet their love for God never flagged.

If only I could have that sort of energy and zeal in life! It's just so very incredibly hard with chronic illness. Some days I pack in too much and other days I fear I do too little. Nowadays I don't want to care too much about what folks think. If I need to lie down on the sofa, well then I jolly well will do so because I know I need to rest. It's my body, so I'm the expert, really. Nobody else can walk in my shoes so they'll never know how hard it can get.

Today's restfulness was lovely. My body begged for rest and I listened and was kind to myself. I am grateful that I can rest without guilt and there is no expectation of having to be someone I am not. I am not Superwoman, just simply imperfectly perfect me. And that is restful enough. So very grateful for this day.

Thanks for reading,

Pav