The doctors calculated 4 weeks from hospital admission which brought me to Friday, 2nd Feb, as the day I get an infusion of meds and begin eating again. Roughly 30 days, but in reality... 29 days including the first day of admission when I began the liquid diet. I can live with that!
This past week has been very hard in terms of levels of exhaustion and hunger. I am finding it hard watching my kids eat the meals I plan for them. Meat, veggies, rice, soup, pasta, fruits. I've enjoyed cooking some of these, and loved watching them eat. But man, the smells that assail my nostrils, and get my tummy going, those aromas are a killer.
I think my sense of smell has heightened and I am smelling everything in a 2 km radius. Maybe less lah :) But seriously, I think that's a good sign of a lack of inflammation in the body. It also means my senses are sharpening in deprivation, as they tend to do, just as they get satiated and saturated in times of abundance. Perhaps a fast once in awhile is useful in more ways than one. Apparently you live longer if you fast often. Not too sure how long I'd like to live on enforced fasts and the ever present possibility of surgery. Sounds exhausting :)
I am reminded, again, of how easily, albeit unsatisfactorily, my hunger can be assuaged by drinks. Imagine those who have no means of alleviating their hunger. Terrible desperation for food exists in many parts of the starving world. I remain grateful that I have those drinks, even if they are nutritionally sub-optimal. They're better than nothing.
The notion of a whole extra day saved makes me so happy, even if it's an illusion of savings. I'm grateful. Now I just need to get through Thursday. Lovely. Be still my growling tummy, the first spoons of porridge will taste so heavenly. And then slowly on to simple meals and living a normal life. One step at a time, one saved day included. Grateful.
Thanka for reading,
Pav
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