This year, I learnt to close the door even more on the past. It's a process, and I am clearly moving forward. There is no going back, no looking back, no wanting or mourning what was... just so much more of wanting something new for myself. The past was good, but the future will be better, and every present moment is truly the best. I've learnt to live more in the moment. Far more appreciative of the love that I have in my life, and I have so much, my cup overflows. I am truly grateful.
This year I had various hospitalisations, multiple procedures, seasons of starvation, a semi permanent line in my arm, loads of nasty meds, an angry abdominal abcess, a possible fistula, a definite intestinal perforation and a necessary surgery to cut away 40 cms of useless guts. But hey, I still got plenty guts! And I am able to eat now and slowly energy levels are returning. I am truly grateful.
I do have guts, because I bounced back despite all that to finish my MA in Counselling, ending with 2 High Distinctions and 6 Distinctions. Thanks dear friends and family, for the support and encouragement and for cheering me on even when getting out of bed hurt so much and writing 4000 words seemed impossible. Somehow, I made it through, and I'm done with the MA. I am truly grateful.
This year my kids and I had lovely holidays in new places, made memories for a lifetime and discovered 7 days on a catamaran together may be 2 days too long but can we do it all again some day! It was beautiful watching my children enjoy themselves. Their happiness is my happiness. I am truly grateful.
This year I faced myself squarely and told myself that I had been suffering from some form of traumatic stress resulting from all that had happened to me over the past 6 years... and I needed to proactively heal all that and find a way to keep moving forward at the same time. Recognise the pain and hurt but do not linger there, keep forgiving and letting go, constantly moving forward, investing in new friendships, new adventures and new joys. Self awareness is so important if we wish to grow. I have learnt a lot about myself and I love myself more today than I ever have in my entire life. I am truly grateful.
Today, I look back over the year and as it ends I see that we are all well, safe, thriving where we have been planted, and happy. My children bring me more joy than sorrow, and I look back at all my times with them and I cherish so many beautiful memories. Can life be better than this? It could always be, but truly, my heart is content, and I am glad my kids and I have made it thus far. I am truly grateful.
I have faith that God walks with me, hope that my future is in His hands, peace in my heart from His presence, and more than enough love because He loves me more than I can ever know. I am grateful for my blessings, not so much for myself, but more so because in the year to come I hope to be more of a blessing to others, not only as a counselor, but especially as a friend. Someone on your journey in life that will walk with you in happy and sad times and that you can lean on. May I be a true friend.
May I continue to bless you, dear friends and family, in whatever way possible in the year to come. May you be a blessing to those who need you in 2020, and always. Wishing you and yours all good things, always, and especially a heart of gratitude. ❤
Thanks for reading,
Pav
