Today, I am declaring a news free day for myself. Once in a long time I like to stay away from news, and the added multitude of comments by netizens. I despair, reading the harshness of remarks and the unkindness with which people are responding to current events, at home, and across the world. So much anger and unhappiness, every single day, so much angst and grief on display. A lot of which is warranted, much of which is keyboard warrior on the loose, shooting from the hip (or fingertips?!) and trying to bring down walls because this space called the "internet" is the only war zone they know, or the only space where they feel heard. In their minds they are fighting battles of justice on a large scale, in my mind the war is on the individual, personal level.
Are there hurting people suffering from injustice and inequality in the world who need our help? Yes, everywhere we look, people are hurting and in need. Am I helping these people in a some practical way? Are we, at every moment of every day, living our lives in such a way that were we to be made accountable for our thoughts and actions, we could say that we were genuinely pleased and deeply satisfied with how we conduct ourselves? Most of us are not even aware of our feelings at any given point, and if we are self aware we may be struggling with enacting change in our lives. We are likely struggling to be practically useful to those in need right in front of us... our families, friends, colleagues etc. and yet the mind wanders to broader arenas where the ego might be more easily and speedily rewarded.
We want to change the world, but can't make our beds in the morning. We want to save the nation, but can't help the weakest in need in our families. We want to be part of a movement that topples down corrupt governments, but fail to see the hypocrisy in our own lives. We are looking at the splinter in the other's eye, while ignoring the log in our own. Who we are to the world at large, and who we are in the quiet moments of our private lives are two different people who may not even be well acquainted with each other.
We're all in the same boat of being at some stage of self awareness, but those who think about it, and work at it, and act on it, they're always a little bit different. They're never worried with the "optics" of things, or the "perceptions" of others. They're thinking of the authenticity and reality of their own true selves. Who are they, what do they stand for, and how will they live their lives based on those personal core values and beliefs? What instructs them in the quiet moments of the day or night, when external noise, praise and accolades are muted, and one is left alone with their own thoughts? What do they see when they look in the mirror, and do they even like that person? When called to be accountable for the lives they've lived will they be ready?
I wish we lived in a world where the ego wasn't rewarded as a measure of success. The more you do, the better you do, the more you make, the more you are recognised, and then the more you do, the more your ego is fed, on and on, in a vicious cycle. Wouldn't it be lovely to be rewarded for who you are, on the inside? To be recognised purely for the inner work you do to change and transform, to have been seen as someone who made a difference, first in their own lives, and also in the lives of others? Is recognition even necessary or is it pandering to the ego? What is our measure of success, as individuals interacting with others in society? Is it reflected in how we can score points debating each other, or in the civility of our responses to each other? One feeds the ego, the latter reflects the self awareness that prioritises the other in social interactions.
Instead of even thinking of the impact of what we say and do, there's endless distasteful attacking and counter attacking, accusations and responses, a stirring up of emotions that doesn't lead to anywhere but despair, cynicism, and resentment. It seems like many are feeding off these interactions as if their lives depended on it. They don't. Step away, and breathe, and let it all go. You are not the sum total of your internet interactions.
I'm so very tired, mentally, and finding myself stirred up and upset, and neglecting my own inner voice that says to work on myself and what I can actually do, little as that might be. It's enough even if it's small. That's my unique contribution to self and the world in my own plausible, palpable, and practical way. It happens best in one to one interactions with real people, offline, and face to face. No barriers of buffered layers to communication, no time lag, loss of network, or delay in responses, and it's laden with non verbal cues that are part of a rich tapestry of what it means to speak to another person, and to truly know them, and to authentically connect with all that is good in them.
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof, being wrought in the world at large. I see no need to contribute to it, on either side of any fence. I see the need to work on myself, and to tend the garden I have been given which is always on the verge of falling into disrepair from neglect. My limited energies are best spent there. A quiet time of contemplation and a peaceful return to self and community where it is hardest to work, and nearly impossible for the ego to shine, and yet all the more necessary for these reasons alone. Help me to count my days, dear Lord, and grant me your wisdom.
Thanks for reading,
Pav
