BEYOND MY BODY. A Poem

BEYOND MY BODY


One thing starts and then another follows
One thing began bringing its sorrows.
Over years the body, mind and soul
Think that they understand the whole,
But just when all seems quietly still
In comes another that makes you ill.


Up and down, you ride up and down.
You cry like a mourner, laugh like a clown.
Deep in your heart pain lurks unseen.
Hang on to the rollercoaster, it's nasty mean.
How do you manage, I never really do.
I just hope to survive, to myself be true.


What was I before all this befell me?
Was it so long ago I walked disease free?
I try hard to recall, I believe I have forgotten
And that's okay, for that me will never return.
In my mind's eye, in the quiet voice of my heart
I seek to understand that I stand apart.


I am not one with the girl of my past
Clueless to what the future brings at last.
I do know that today lies in my hand clasped
Clued in by painful lessons I have grasped.


Pain and loss, hurt and grief,
Sneak in to steal like a thief.
Let not my heart cave in to despair,
I remind myself that death lies there.


Keep hope alive in my soul,
It matters not my body's unwhole.
For beyond the grasp of life's uncertainties
Lies one thing sure yet full of mysteries.


I know not why I suffer in life,
I know not why there is strife.
Yet one thing sure I can and must proclaim,
God loves me still, He knows my name.


And if I know not why now, why me
It's really alright if it's a mystery.
I hang on to the hope I have not in vain,
Some day I'll be completely whole again.


Is that at death when I meet my Creator,
When I see His face, feel His embrace,
And all doubts, questions, fears and tears
Will fall away in the love of His gaze?


I pray 'tis so, I cling to my hope
It helps me survive, helps me cope.
For if mine eyes were set only here on this earth,
I should perish bitterly not knowing my worth.


I am not defined by grief, hurt and pain
I will not forget my true self again
I shall to myself be always kind,
Till it lies enshrined in both heart and mind.


I am more than the sum of my bodily parts,
I am a soul traveling in an imperfect vessel.
Some day when my journey's done I shall be set free.
The real essential, beautiful me.


Pavitar Kaur Gill
31st May 2012