Someone asked me once if I preached the Gospel to my clients and I said I didn’t. Not so much because I cannot, as a secularly trained Counsellor in a multiracial, multireligious, and multicultural nation, but also because I didn’t want to do so. Some are shocked by this, as if I was wasting opportunities, but I see it as “let me meet you where your needs are” rather than “let me meet you with my own agenda”. I have no agenda, other than to help you, and helping can only begin when I accept you as you are.
Some of my most meaningful counselling sessions have involved encouraging others who speak of their faith, whatever it may be, to deepen their walk with their God, whoever He might be, if that might provide them solace, comfort, courage and meaning in their journey through life.
The Muslim, struggling to remain true to her heart as a woman who won’t conform, is also fasting, and I encourage her to draw closer to her God, and a deeper understanding of God as loving, kind, forgiving and merciful, and what a relationship with her Creator, as she calls Him, might look like. Draw near to your God, may He heal your sorrows. She weeps, because her pain is deep, and God seems far.
The Hindu, whose wife died, is plagued by guilt, but his life philosophy involves an acceptance that God dictates whatever happens in his life, and so I encourage him to see guilt and regret in that light, and to define his faith more clearly so he can live by its values. The diverging dichotomy in his mind between fate and his failures as a husband must heal, so he can make sense of his loss and grief, without self blame.
The lapsed Christian, uncertain if God still loves him, feeling rejected by family and church for his personal beliefs and sexuality, must find a way towards self love and acceptance apart from the judgments of others, and again, I ask what God means to him, and what might a loving relationship look like, and how important is autonomy, independence, and self actualisation to him? Can all of this, and the concept of God as presented in religion today, make sense to him? Can he reconcile it all and hold it all together? Does he want to try? What might the implications be if he must strike out on his own with no support?
For the agnostic, who chooses not to believe in an afterlife, the thought of never seeing her late father again is a sadness that plagues her deeply. I encourage her to articulate why she sees the afterlife as a crutch for the weak, and if her father’s death is an opportunity to revisit his Buddhist beliefs, and to reconsider her own, seeking to make meaning of life and death in a way that will make sense to her.
To the atheist, who says God doesn’t exist, I am happy to chat about values, principles, joy, and meaningful living, on his terms, despite his growing sense of ennui and purposelessness, and that something might be missing in life. I encourage the search for what is missing, and to clearly articulate his philosophy of life for himself without God in the picture, in the hope that the part of the puzzle that will help it all fall into place will become clear to him. It might be anything that fills the hole in his soul, it might even be the realisation that nothing ever will, and that it’s okay to live that way.
I don’t provide answers, I don’t judge, I don’t preach. I take a journey with you, to explore your own thoughts about life and existence, and I acknowledge all of your thoughts, values, principles, faiths etc as valuable, because they have great value to you. It’s not about me. I don’t force my own opinions and ideas on anyone. For so many of my clients, no one genuinely listens to them, everyone is judging, advising, reprimanding or punishing. Mine is a safe space to be vulnerable and to share, and many weep as they do, because it’s the first time they’ve ever told anyone these things. These dark, deep secrets that they are afraid to share because they fear they will no longer be lovable once they do articulate them.
No judgment, no fear, only acceptance and a helping hand towards healing, clarity, purposeful and meaningful living, and hopefully joy some day. Come as you are, leave a better version of you. I may pray for you in my own time, and I often ask God for wisdom before sessions. May I be as Christlike as possible, and may He use me to help others. To me that translates to being loving, and a deep sacrificing of self and ego. It’s hard work but it can be done. It’s never about me, it’s always about you. Is it love in some form that says, “Here I am, you are safe, bare your soul, and I will help you heal?” Perhaps it is indeed love.
I see the same love on the Cross. Thank you, Jesus, for showing the way. 🙏🏼❤️
Thanks for reading,
Pav
patientvoices.sg1@gmail.com
