Humanely Healing One's Soul

On days when I am in pain, or feeling down, whatever the reason, I try to tell myself that life is still pretty good and really, that I can't complain. And so I don't, or at least I try not to, but I think that I am doing myself a disservice of sorts. I should allow myself to feel my pain, to acknowledge that I am sad, or depressed or hurting, no matter what my seemingly happier circumstances may be.

While I remain grateful that I have a lovely home for now, have food if I can eat it, have beautiful children who love me, have a wonderful helper, have two crazy dogs, clothes  etc and all my basic necessities met and then some... I think it's important to be able to feel those so called "negative" emotions even if I have all those things.

Every so often I am told to count my blessings, and I do find that extremely useful. Gratitude helps and I remind myself of that. What troubles me is the lack of validation for my feelings, by me and by others. Surely my feelings are just as valid as anyone else's or should they be dismissed out of hand because I am blessed with so much?

Sometimes feelings of sorrow or grief cannot, and should not, be suppressed by forcing one's self to be grateful. They fester, like a bad wound that never heals. Sometimes these feelings need a good airing without being restrained by having to count one's blessings all the time.

Sometimes misery is simply miserable. But not forever. It does look towards blessings and begin counting them, but only if it has worked its way through the soul. I don't think misery can do that if gratitude suffocates it in the first instance. So yeah. Some days when I feel saddest I don't plan on counting my every blessing too quickly. I don't mean to wallow in misery either.

I just want to acknowledge the validity of my feelings no matter how wonderful my life is supposed to be. I think that will make me more human. It's certainly the more humane way of dealing with my own soul. Being kind to myself includes patiently listening to and sitting with the pain and hurt, sorrow and grief that I face. To suppress or ignore them is to oppress my own soul.

Plenty of time to count my many blessings that are so obviously present in my life once I have looked my pain in the eyes, and wept beside it, and embraced it, and let it go. Then I can look at the blessings, and healing, already begun like a bud in spring, will bloom in my soul. And always, the knowledge that this process will repeat itself, over and over again, and perhaps the pain will dim in time, and perhaps it won't. But that's perfectly fine. That's life.

Thanks for reading,

Pav