Musings on my Counselling Internship

One of the frustrating things I have struggled with on my MA in Counselling internship is the fact that very few clients actually want to find solutions to their problems. They mostly want to vent. There I am, listening closely and picking up on issues to follow through on in our therapeutic conversation, all the while trying to stay mentally present rather than planning interventions to address problems on the spot. Listen, listen, listen. 

And there they are, going round in circles talking endlessly about their problems, and just letting it all out with no sense of ownership of issues or any idea of the need to break out of the negative cycles they are trapped in and resolve their problems. Talk, talk, talk.

Perhaps this, too, is counselling?

Maybe for the first few sessions people really do want to let it all out and vent away, largely because they have not had a chance to talk to anybody about their pain and problems yet. Maybe all they need is the sense of relief and release that comes when one human being unburdens to another. Maybe that catharsis begins the healing process, and then one can talk about interventions and plans to deal with problems later on.

Empathic listening is the primary skill needed by the counsellor, in the first instance. And bucket loads of patience. Oh, and the ability to set aside one's own pain while addressing another's. We are, each of us, wounded healers bringing our pain with us to every encounter with other wounded healers. That's why counsellors need counselling too. 

Knowing the theory and practicing it are separate things too. Acknowledging one's own need for help keeps things authentic and real. Experiencing the relief of unburdening to another enhances one's ability to identify with others in need. I know counselling, whether  venting or problem solving, works because I have benefitted from it too.

Counsellors should never stop receiving counselling themselves, whether it's the venting or the problem solving kind or both... keep it real by being real. Think I may be due for a few sessions myself. "Counsellor, counsel thyself" doesn't work. I tried. I vented away but was a rather poor listener. :) I am glad it doesn't work because it reinforces the notion that the human element is important.

The other person in the therapeutic relationship is essential. The other wounded healer, knowing that their wounds allow them to be sensitive to yours but not overwhelmed by either party's wounds. It's a dance of sorts. Time for more lessons, more practice, new shoes, fresh music, a sparkling repertoire of new steps and always the flexibility to adapt to just about anything. Bring it on!

Thanks for reading,

Pav