It's World Mental Health Day, and I am reminded of what one of my kids said to me. "Mum, you're a good counsellor, you should listen to your own advice". Ooops. I've been feeling very low, and as I have talked with clients, and listened to their voices telling me their pain, I've realised my own pain was growing, though I didn't know why. I heard my own voice, guiding clients through the maze but I myself was getting lost. Why can't I counsel myself? I think the key is simply that it needs two (or more) people to engage in the therapeutic process, to listen, encourage, guide, empathise, understand and basically help healing flow through them. I can't do all that for myself, it truly takes two to tango.
Some nameless grief seems to have overtaken me. So many levels of suffering that need revisiting, tending, and healing. It's not just the body with Crohn's and a broken foot, or brokenhearted memories with post divorce PTSD, or growing isolation and loneliness due to Covid, it's the sense that the whole world is suffering too. My clients are in pain, I am in pain, the world is in pain. I feel the weight of being the wounded healer, helping others while wounded myself, pretty much like everyone else.
I sometimes wonder where God is in the midst of all the suffering. I don't have all the answers but I know that in times of sorrow I have felt Him close. I do not rejoice in sorrows per se, but if somehow they bring me closer to Him then I can choose to be glad. In conversations with my friends I realise that they too are suffering, but they have been able to hold up a mirror to me. What I see in the mirror, and what others see when they see me are often very different persons.
I see many wounds, imperfections, trials, sorrows, and an aging body and soul. I don't feel young at heart, frankly I feel ancient, like I have seen and felt too much and cannot bear any more. I see fragility and brittleness (but not bitterness), and deep, deep exhaustion. I feel lonely and isolated and the multiple layers of loss over the past few years seem to pile up high, sweeping me under the rug, as if I was of little consequence in this world. Sometimes, it feels as if at this time in my life I have said so many farewells and shall remain on the shore as others sail away on exciting adventures, leaving me behind, alone.
My friends see strength of spirit, a courageous heart, a loving and generous soul, a lively and witty mind, and the proven ability to persevere in the face of chronic struggle. Nobody really cares about my age or my creaky bones, my grey hair, and my memory that plays tricks on me. Often, we are all on the same journey, sharing similar struggles. I hope to be a mirror to them too, to help them see beyond their pain.
Who are these two very different people? They are the different halves of me, and yet I am not two people but one. Life's purpose, to some extent, is the integration of these two halves. In the midst of sorrow, we must find the joy to keep going. In the midst of joy, we almost grieve because nothing lasts forever. I thought about what seemed to work for my clients and today I reminded myself of some basic steps to find one's way through life's struggles.
1. Do what is meaningful - works best if you can define "meaningful" in terms of your values. Work, play, relationships, the stuff that takes up most of our time, they must all be meaningful if we are to devote our time to them.
2. Draw boundaries - you cannot be all things to everybody. Learn to say, "No", without feeling guilty. Even the closest and most intimate of relationships needs boundaries.
3. Self-care isn't selfish, it's essential. Look after yourself first before you help anybody else. You are not a machine. Know when to stop before you break down.
4. Do what brings you joy - identify the things you enjoy, and do those things to replenish the soul. Schedule these activities to recharge your batteries regularly.
5. Seek out your friends, and make new ones - even if you don't feel like it. In fact, you probably need it more when you don't want it. Don't let feelings rule you, find structure that rises above the vagaries of fleeting feelings.
So many other reminders to self... but these are plenty to start with. I am returning to painting after a year's hiatus, planning a long outing by wheelchair to a pretty place this week, meeting up with friends more regularly, taking a short break from studies, seeking counselling for myself, and re-examining my priorities, values, and purpose in life, while continuing to work with my lovely clients. It's also a time for reflecting, creating, meditating, and praying, rather than the constant doing, drudgery and deadlines. Timely to also ask how God views me, as the Beloved of God, and what that really means and if I believe it in my heart.
May you also take the time to replenish, to find the joy, and to look after yourselves in the midst of all that goes on around and in us. Happy Sunday, dear friends, bless you. You, too, are the Beloved of God. May you know and apprehend the depth of what that truly means.
#WorldMentalHealthDay #worldmentalhealthday2021 #findthejoy #selfcare #replenish #purpose #meaning #boundaries #prayer #meditation #reflection #counsellors #counsellorsneedcounsellingtoo
Pix of me wandering around my neighbourhood, yesterday, admiring the jungle greenery. The wounded healer, in more ways than one!
Thanks for reading,
Pavitar
10/10/21
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