Every now and then I step back, observe an interaction, note my emotions, question my thoughts, and make sense of something that troubles me. It’s a sort of self awareness, something I’ve cultivated as a circuit breaker, a time out, or a breather when I stop and assess myself.
Why am I upset? Do I perceive that I am disappointed by someone’s words or behaviour? What were my expectations, what was I hoping for, what did I need or want in that moment, that I did not receive? Unarticulated expectations and the feelings of disappointments that follow show me what I need, in my interactions with others.
And then I look at the other person, and I ask myself if they can provide or meet that need. I usually know, almost instinctively, that they cannot. Why then do I still carry this expectation? People rarely change, unless they really want to, and when folks don’t make the effort, choosing instead to walk away, then why bother to knock on a closed door, or to even imagine that they’d find it in themselves to show you an ounce of respect? They already showed you where they stand, behind a closed door. Leave it closed, do not knock, do not ask, hope or expect anything.
People meet us where they can, and if they cannot, then they do not even try, because we amplify their feelings of inadequacy, and failure. Few people can stay in your presence if you remind them of their failures, we tend to want to huddle with those who boost our ego, and for whom we do not have to change. I call it “the path of least resistance on the road to mediocrity”. But some of us go deeper than that, we eschew the superficial, we pursue change, and deep calls to deep, we need to walk where the waters cover us, because strangely, we breathe and live best where others fear they’ll drown. Let them stay behind their closed doors. We wander where the roads are broad, unafraid and open hearted, authentic and true.
Never hope to find healing at the hands of those who have broken you, disrespected you, or cast you aside. You will only find more heartbreak. The truest of paths towards healing is the one we walk alone. Welcome it, it is the way back to your lovable and loving self. ❤️
