A Reflection on Gaslighting

 Gaslighting is an interesting word, isn’t it? Just two words put together, to imply all sorts. Gas, possibly so ethereal, as is light too, so airy and luminous. Is gaslighting a flighty, unweighty, inconsequential thing, maybe just a passing joke or an off hand, back hand, short form for “let me twist the facts and make this your fault, because I can”? 

Or is gaslighting a very serious, weighty, elemental thing, the way gas and light have always formed part of our world’s very existence? Was the void filled with gas, swirling in the darkness, shapelessly soft? And didn’t God speak “Let there be light”, and didn’t the void become bright, and the world come into being? 

Light dispels the dark; is gaslighting but a way of dispelling one’s own darkness by shining a light on another, thus casting shadows elsewhere? What lurks in those shadowy spaces, hinting at truth but playing at hiding, pulled and pushed in many directions, whenever convenient to shift attention away from the gaslighter? Pointing always and only to a version of the truth most useful to the one who seeks to control the narrative to their advantage? 

Gaslighting. To be gaslit is to be used and abused, led and misled, unjustly judged, and blatantly manipulated… only for the benefit of the other. Even as it unfolds, and we recognise it, and feel it, maybe see it in our mind’s eye, we might find ourselves paralysed, unable to respond or to act. Paralysed first by shock, then fear, and finally shame, with flashes of anger along the way. Anger that quietly screams not to be ignored. Anger that propels us to take some kind of action. 

We want to speak our truth, to reverse the process, to unmask the gaslighter. Hasten not if anger is at the very heart of the gaslighting because you give them reason to say, “Aha! I knew it all along! You are the problem!” and you fall prey to their well placed trap, having hurriedly grasped the bait they dangled. 

Stand still. Breathe deeply. Not every battle deserves our attention. Time will bring the gaslighter to light, and standing bare under luminous scrutiny with all their machinations on display, they will be seen as they truly are. One need only wait and watch.