I lived so many years of my life simply in a daze, having little clarity as to what I really wanted and what mattered to me, and losing my health two decades ago complicated things for me. Raising a family while struggling through chronic illness was a waking nightmare.
Caught up in guilt and feelings of failure, constantly trying to be more than I was capable of, and resenting the fact that I could not keep up with my own demands on myself, I think I lost the vision of who I really was. Now, in the aftermath of further truly cataclysmically chaotic events in my life and hard won change and transformation on my part, I clearly see who I am.
I am the Beloved of God, perfectly imperfect in all my ways, and that is truly enough. It is enough to simply be me. I am good enough, and worthy of love, and deserving of all good things in life. I can stop struggling and simply rest in the light of God's love.
Clarity shone her light through the rising ash and dust of my crushed self and as I looked towards the light of God, I realised that all of my life, I have loved Him, and that now, set free to truly, deeply and totally love Him without fear or judgment by anyone, I am finally happy.
Those who seek to know me intimately, and to love me deeply must also know and love God deeply, and this clarity guides me daily in my interactions, helping me to guard my heart from which life springs.
Clarity came from chaos, and so I remain grateful despite the great cost to self. Nothing is certain in life except change and death, and they bring their chaos too. Who knows what further clarity awaits me? I am not afraid to remain grateful through it all.
Thanks for reading,
Pav
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