When I was in hospital they pumped me with 100mgs of steroids 3 times a day, reduced doses and then sent me home with 20 mgs of prednisone every morning. I hate steroids and their side effects. Nasty stuff. But I have no choice if I want to get into remission quickly.
The last time I was on steroids was in 2013 and I had to stop abruptly when I broke my ankle. The steroids had weakened my bones over the years I'd been on and off them. Additionally, I struggled to sleep, had headaches, bone pain and got bloated up. I got emotional and found myself tearful and moody. My eyesight was affected too with occasional blurry vision. When I went off steroids altogether in 2013 I lost 20kgs. That's a lot of weight gain from meds. The worst thing about them is they leach the calcium from your bones over time. I can actually feel bone pain as that happens.
Today I have dropped from 20mgs of pred to 15mgs for a week. Next Monday I will drop to 10mgs, the week after to 5mgs and then eventually zero. By then I should be eating. And I hope to be free of side effects too.
I've been ravenous because of the steroids and not able to eat so I've been drinking my liquids a lot. Think I've put on a kilo now that I am starting to bloat. And I am tearful. I burst into tears several times a day, usually because of a passing thought. It's like I'm outside of myself, looking in on my life and feeling a little lost. I feel rather disoriented today. Exhausted and lightheaded. I understand why and so I am being kind to myself.
I had a good first day on reduced meds, enjoyed my morning walk, shared some laughs with old friends, enjoyed my kids, planned a new goulash recipe for youngest son who loves his beef, planned a trip with my daughter, and watched my fav tv shows. A restful day allowing my body to adjust and being kind to myself at every turn.
If we aren't kind to ourselves we'll be in deep trouble, because nobody else can really understand what we each endure in our own bodies. Grateful today for my own gift of understanding and kindness to myself as I reduce and adjust meds slowly down. It's all okay, one day at a time. Slowly but surely I will get there.
Thanks for reading,
Pav
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