In one day I managed to do all these things with the limited energy I gleaned from 8 packets of special drinks in 18 wakeful hours. I packed my drinks with me and lugged them along everywhere. Have tetrapak will travel! I guzzled my way through the day like a cranky car engine soaking up every last drop of petrol to get going and keep moving. I made it through one of my busiest days in a long time.
Where did the energy come from? From a lack of inflammation that is being managed by steroids and a liquid diet. And yes, the absence of pain meant that all my energies were made available to me to enjoy myself, to be present in each moment, to participate fully and to really engage with others around me.
A pain filled day doesn't allow for any of this to happen, it's just too hard on the body to do anything beyond responding to screaming nerve endings and brain signals, usually accompanied by fever, body aches, headaches and total exhaustion. You curl up in a fetal position and can barely speak, and tears flow because a part of you wants to be left alone, but a part of you also wants company and yet you know you're not up to anything at all.
I think the energy also comes when one focuses on others and not one's own troubles. Helping the poor, visiting the disabled, cooking for others, bringing joy to friends... all of these activities are outwardly directed rather than inwardly focused. I believe this to be energising and life giving. In blessing others with my limited energies I was able to receive even more energy as the positive effects simply snowballed.
Yesterday was so beautiful. It was an amazing day of accomplishing much with so little. Largely with me being available and bringing joy to others while enlarging my own heart. The day was filled with laughter, love and lightness. I am grateful for the pain free energy that took me through the day and for every single moment of engagement with friends old and new. I felt so alive!
Thanks for reading,
Pav
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