Day 13 of A Month of Gratitude, #AMOG, and today I am #grateful for #sleep. Something so basic and necessary, and yet often so very elusive. #SleepDeprivation is known to have severe effects on #mentalhealth and general wellbeing, as well as triggering illness in the body.
I never lost much sleep until I had children. Nothing quite like a baby to keep you up at night, and nothing quite like 4 babies in 7.5 years to deprive you of even more sleep. And then with illness over two decades, there were long nights of sleeplessness when pain kept me awake, or the long wait for a civilised hour to get to hospital while crying in bed because it hurt so much but you didn't want to inconvenience anyone. The nights never seem so long until you are waiting for pain to lessen.
Loss of sleep due to numerous babies is par for the course in motherhood, so you endure it as a badge of honour, as you do through various other occasions of care and concern for your children as they grow. Loss of sleep from illness is something you have no control over and you endure it because you have no choice. You simply do, so you can keep going, and, somehow, you do keep going.
The hardest loss of sleep comes from heartbreak. A broken heart, shattered into so many, tiny pieces you imagine that you'll never put your heart back together again. You lie there, in the dark, and you cannot say anything because the other person won't listen. Or, soon enough, they are gone and you are alone, with even less recourse to expressing yourself, finding your voice, speaking your truth. So you swallow your grief, and you find that grief unexpressed is grief unprocessed, and it leaks out of you in seemingly endless streams of tears. I lost a few years of sleep just crying myself to sleep, and waking up 3-4 hours later in tears again. It was grief, seeping through my pores, finding its way out of a heart that just couldn't contain it any more. Every night felt like an eternity, waiting for my mind to shut down, and my heart to grieve less, clinging on to the adage that "time heals all wounds" while fighting to emerge better, not bitter.
Now, happily, I sleep like a baby. I have very little difficulty falling asleep, I am not in pain, I have no burden of unspoken words or unexpressed grief, and my heart isn't broken. Well, perhaps it isn't fully healed because I don't think it ever will be, but it isn't awash with hurt and grief. Sleep comes easily, I no longer find myself awake at 4am staring into space, mulling over questions with no answers and weeping with sorrow. I am asleep through at least 6 hours every night now, which may not sound like much to many, but for someone like me, it's plenty. Sadly, many of us with chronic illness never really wake up feeling rested despite sleeping for several hours.
The body heals and regenerates while we sleep, affecting our overall health and our ability to function, but for the chronically ill, the disease process undermines the body's ability to fully #repair, #restore and #rejuvenate, and we are constantly exhausted, no matter how much we might sleep. Still, I am so glad that I am getting more than 4 hours of sleep these days. It's hard being on immunosuppressants and trying to find the energy to do the necessary on so little sleep. I feel like I battle the flu everyday. Found myself waking up today with a migraine, and my throat felt funny. Perhaps a more restful day is in order, with sunglasses on since it's a sunny day and "cos my future is so bright I gotta wear sunglasses", even at home. 🤣
Wasn't up to making a video today with my head hurting, and I actually miss writing, so today I am happy to be grateful for sleep, in writing, and to try to grab more winks through the day. I hope you are getting the rest you need in the course of your day, and feeling rejuvenated, dear friends. ❤🙏
#AMOG #AMonthOfGratitude #October #GratefulForSleep #SleepRepairsRestoresRejuvenates #MentalHealthAwareness #BabiesIllnessHeartbreak #SleepDeprivation #GriefUnexpressedIsGriefUnprocessed #KeepGoing #SleepingLikeABabyNow #RestfulDay #IGotThroughDayThirteen
Thanks for reading,
Pav
No comments:
Post a Comment