Day 25 of A Month of Gratitude, #AMOG, and today, I am #grateful for #youngestson. I opened the mail today, and there in all its stark and factual simplicity was a letter addressed to me from MINDEF, stating that my youngest son has to register for National Service in November 2020. My heart did a flip. The Last of the Mohicans came to mind, my reference to him being the youngest child and last boy-man in the house.
There's nothing quite like an NS call up to wake you up to the idea that your son has grown over the years. He just turned 17 in late August, I just read his Extended Essay yesterday, he still has school and major IB exams in 7 months. And they've called him up... a bit early, no? I think he'll get to say that he's available after July 2021 or some such thing, but this letter that comes to me, and to him, seals the deal. You're here for another two years at the beck and call of your country. You've known it all your life, and the day draws near.
Youngest son is like a light in the darkness, to me. Every time I see him, there's hugs and a smile, from both of us for each other. We're making up for lost time when things were rougher as we rode out the teenage years, and we were both in a daze. Now we do a dance that says "Hey, I love you, even if I don't want to talk right now and I want to be left alone, I'll always love you." We can say this to each other, move apart, and then come back again and pick up right where we left off. I call this the Dance of Right Timings. I used to be so bad at this, with two left feet, but after 4 kids perhaps I have learnt it, finally. When to speak, and when to be silent, and when to wait for them to come back to you. Neither of us can bear to be angry with the other for long, and apologies are quick and heartfelt.
I look forward to enjoying his company during NS while his sibs are hopefully all back at uni abroad, if the global situation allows. In fact, it was just meant to be youngest son and me this academic year, rattling about at home, and enjoying each other's company while missing the others deeply. But Covid meant that everybody came home, and we've kept everyone home for a whole academic year, and youngest son and I have had a bonus of extra time with his 3 wonderful siblings. A silver lining for us all, in the midst of so much upheaval.
Youngest son is sweet, smart, witty and charming, and has a way with words. As a young child he didn't say too much, poor chap, his voice was drowned out by everyone else and he enjoyed being a solitary figure, playing with his bucket of soldiers for hours in the garden. As he has grown, I have come to appreciate his voice, and the message that he carries with it. It's love, acceptance, understanding and compassion. I see it in his eyes when he looks at me, and in his dealings with others, and I am grateful. May you find your life's passion and pursue it, and may you be happy, and healthy.
I am glad that he has been well for several years, and that the course of his Crohn's has been far quieter than mine. For years, I prayed and hoped that none of my children would have Crohn's, which can be inherited, and my heart was utterly broken to discover 9 years ago that youngest son has it too. It took me awhile to forgive myself, as I felt unnecessarily guilt stricken, but youngest son's courage, wisdom and strength in the face of his own suffering has always been an inspiration to me. To see him well, enjoying school, spending time with his friends, and working towards his dreams as been like medicine to my soul. To sit down with him and to open up at length and share deeply from the heart is something we both treasure. What a gift youngest son has been. I hand him over to the powers that be, during NS, knowing that they promise to make a man out of him, but truly, I think he's an outstanding man already. Keep him safe, please.
I love you, sweetheart, more than you will ever know. Thank you for giving me permission to share all this, and approving my post. ❤
An old fav pix of him as a baby with me in 2004, and another on holiday in Croatia in 2019. I used to take him for walks in his baby stroller around Seletar Camp where we lived when he was born, and I do think folks thought I was his Sri Lankan helper. Haha! Cutest baby award, most biased mother award! 🤣
#AMOG #AMonthOfGratitude #grateful #GratefulForYoungestSon #LastOfTheMohicans #NSCall #LightInTheDarkness #Courage #Wisdom #Strength #AlreadyAMan #Sweet #Smart #Witty #Charming #Gift #Love #Acceptance #Understanding #Compassion #Sweetheart #StaySafe #StayHealthy #IMadeItThroughDayTwentyFive
Thanks for reading,
Pav
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