Today is Day 1 of #AMonthOfGratitude aka #AMOG. I decided to rewire my brain by focusing on gratitude for 31 days in October and to be thankful in all things as far as possible, in the hope that I would be more at peace and happier no matter what might come my way. Ironically, but perhaps unsurprisingly, I woke up feeling exhausted having slept poorly, and somewhat grumpy, with a headache and joint pains. Ugh. But I told myself my morning walk awaited, as did #AMOG. Die, die must do, and so I did. An overcast day greeted me and my mood seemed to suit it.
What am I grateful for today, on my first day of #AMOG? Quite simply, for starters, I am grateful that I began this dedication of October to gratitude. I really needed it today as I trudged about my estate. My head and muscles were heavy and I felt waves of sadness threatening to engulf me. My mornings are sometimes like this, touched by melancholy and a flavour of lingering grief. There are butterflies in my tummy as if I am poised for flight, involved in a perpetual "fight or flee" with the world. A vestigial remnant from my hunter-gatherer ancestors, perhaps? I do not know, but often I awake and feel like the day will swallow me up in a maelstrom of grief and sorrow if I let my guard down. Perhaps this is a kind of lingering PTSD, and I am still processing trauma in my life. Perhaps I live too much in my emotions. Perhaps I am, indeed, an overthinker!
This makes my walks and self talks all the more important and necessary as a means to assess myself and head into the day aware of my feelings and state of mind. I recognised the signs, I told myself to "Stop", not to allow the sorrow to linger, to pound it out on the streets, to release it in prayer, to breathe it out as I walked. I asked myself what I was grateful for today, and nothing really seemed to speak to me. Today is one of those days, then.
A day when you recognise your ability to gather yourself and your feelings together through sheer willpower and you tell yourself your feelings don't rule you, you're in charge of them. This is always a challenge for me, not to live in my emotions. I am grateful I decided to start this month of gratitude, and I want to have 31 days to look back over and to remember my journey. What were my thoughts, how did I feel, and what did I do with my feelings, and how did they affect my behaviour?
I hope to tame my melancholy side by reminding her that #GratitudeIsAnAttitude worth cultivating, and so I am grateful to have begun this journey today. It helped me gather my feelings together and move beyond them. Thank you for journeying with me as I wander through my estate, and the maze of my thoughts, feelings and actions. I do feel this is a way to be real, authentic and honest. A vital part of encouraging #MentalHealthAwareness is to encourage ourselves to keep it real and to be mindfully self aware, genuinely authentic and openly vulnerable. Here's wishing you a day of gratitude.
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