Day 22 of A Month of Gratitude, #AMOG, and today I am grateful for #helpers. Yes, for the ladies who have lived with me over the past 24 years and who have been a great help to our family, starting back in the day when we had one 6 month old baby in an apartment and then all the way through raising 4 kids in a house.
I've had several helpers over the years, and they've all had their #strengths and #limitations. When the kids were tiny, it helped to have the #motherly type who knew what tiny kids were about. I remember our all time fav was Aunty Olivia, who could take all my 4 kids and the neighbour's kids on an outing to an indoor theme park, exhaust their energies, and feed them dinner too, so that Mum could have a break once in awhile. And she was the best cook ever too! I interviewed her while I was at NUH, having just delivered my fourth child and in need of a good helper and I never regretted hiring her. She left a few years later after she got married, and has her own family now and we have kept in touch.
Over the past 24 years, we had other helpers, and various incidents, including the "youngest son almost got fried in hot oil" scare, the "older boys got stuck in a large rabbit hatch with rabbit poop and pee" disaster, the "younger two got threatened with being beaten while I was in hospital having surgery" travesty, the "whole bunch of my personal belongings were stolen when we moved house" heartbreak and the "occasional rendesvous with a strange man when I went for check ups" mystery that were very worrying to me. Narrow escapes that occured and that remain in my memory but perhaps they overshadow the many, many benefits of having a helper through the busy, crazy years of raising 4 kids, homeschooling, and illness, and having to rely on the paid help of a total stranger who moves into your home and lives with you. Part of the family, but not quite entirely because it's a transactional relationship that involves a contract, a salary, and an employer-employee engagement.
My helpers have helped with marketing, cooking, laundry and cleaning. They've helped with multiple babies and allowed me to rest when exhausted, travel on occasion, be admitted to hospital for days, leave home for outings, looked after me through a broken ankle and post surgery care, and basically been my right hand women. In my mind, I envision an assistant of sorts, though in reality, many haven't been educated or interested enough to personally grow beyond the scope of their daily work which is pretty demanding as it is. Being a helper is a tough way to earn money to send home to their desperate families, and often, they are single mothers supporting children and aged parents. They have mostly been loving and kind but they would leave my employ if better opportunities involving higher salaries became available, and I don't blame them. They perform their duties but their hearts are elsewhere, and I understand that fully. My heart has always been with my kids no matter where I have been. And I have always said, "I could never be my own helper, it's a tough job!"
Of late, we had Cicin for several years, whose famous cooking was enjoyed by everyone who came to our home, but who also worried endlessly about her son back home which is why she left us. Our current helper, Jen, is a young, single girl who cannot cook at all but has other strengths. And so I have stepped up in the cooking department and discovered that I can whip tasty stuff up, and I really appreciate somebody else doing the marketing and the food prep, and the cleaning up, so I can turn up and wave my spatula around and magically feed everybody. And the house runs, laundry gets done, and somehow we get by. It's such a relief to have help all along the way. Whether it is a luxury or a necessity is debatable, but for me it is both. Yeah. I can learn to exist in the in between spaces!
Thank you to all the excellent helpers I have had over the years, except for the scary, mean one who threatened my kids, and the one who stole my stuff and met mysterious men when I went to hospital... I am grateful to you lovely ladies for being on my journey, for helping me, for providing your assistance in a home filled with seemingly endless demands on your time and energy, and for your love and kindness shown to me and mine. I daresay I'd never have managed without you, and that I could have been far, far more patient and gracious with you all.
I like to think that the best ones stayed on for years because they truly loved us. Perhaps that's an ideal of sorts but perhaps that's a reflection of the relationship we try to have with our helpers. We pay them, they live with us, and there are expectations all round, and yet it is another human being we have invited into our homes, with all of their own complexities. Keeping everyone happy is a bit of a dance. It's been an exercise in lowering expectations, being realistic, growing patience, being generous, closing an eye, and being grateful for the help. I like to think I could cope on my own but I know that bravado will fade quickly enough and I'll be exhausted and ill... and so, yes, whatever your limitations are, mine are possibly worse. Somehow, we can find the middle ground where I can be a good employer, and you can be a good employee. Both roles are difficult ones, and here's to finding a balance everyday and remaining grateful. 🙏❤
#AMOG #AMonthOfGratitude #GratefulForHelpers #Maids #GreatAssistance #ManyBenefits #Loving #Kind #GreatCooks #HouseworkLaundryMarketingHelp #LowerExpectations #BeRealistic #BePatient #BeGenerous #RightHandWoman #LuxuryOrNecessity #PartOfFamily #TransactionalRelationship #ContractualObligations #MiddleGround #Balance #ICouldNeverBeMyOwnHelper #ItsAToughJob #ThankYouLovelyLadies #IMadeItThroughDayTwentyTwo
Thanks for reading,
Pav
No comments:
Post a Comment